dear god,

why do bad things always happen to me?

rant numero dos

i absolutely hate drama. it is probably the worst thing that two single human beings can engage in. there is no happy ending, no feelings resolved, and no stronger friendship that comes with drama. sure, you personally might feel better after verbally abusing the other but is it really worth it? i just don't know about anything anymore. i hate people who talk shit when you actually trust them and respect them enough to keep your own feelings to yourself. i hate people who are fake and act like you are their best friend when in actuality, you guys aren't even that close. i hate people who have this crazed mindset of making as many friends as possible, i mean really, is it worth it? to be surrounded by billions of people who don't care about you at all while the people who actually care about you are being thrown aside for your "new found friends".  i hate people who take their own insecurities and try to put other people down just to make themselves feel better. i hate people who change for the worst. 

a moment of grace

revelations

- i have come to realize recently that to measure one's happiness isn't by quantity but by the quality of friends and i am truly thankful for all the wonderful people in my life who have helped me grow into the person i am now. both intellectually and emotionally.

- what am i so afraid of everything for? i have never thought of myself as someone who was scared of everything or everyone. i have never thought of myself as a push-over. why am i so afraid to go for it? what do i have to lose? this is something i really must work on. 

- twenty-ten is a near year. a brand new start. i have to appreciate this gracious offer and start using it to my advantage. this year will be different.

sky's not the limit

It is not length of life, but depth of life. - Waldo Ralph Emerson

Lately, I've been listening to amazing or really extreme anecdotes from my friends about things that have happened to them and I can't help but get extremely jealous. Upon listening to their stories, it all sounds really fun and crazy but after a while I start to wonder to myself, am I living the right way? I mean, college life is all about partying, having fun, enjoying your years before you have to really grow up, get a job, and all that stuff. But I feel as though I have already skipped my fun years and went straight to the responsibility years. All I ever do, if not catching up on sleep, is studying for school, actually being at school, or working my butt off while my friends are out on dates, at parties, or having a great time. Has my life really come to this? Have I really become a person who lives vicariously through someone else? This thought alone has been tearing me inside out and I really don't know if I'm handling my life right. To me school is very important but so is having fun and being around my friends. I need someone to tell me that I'm doing okay, almost as much as I want myself to believe that I'm doing okay.

hello 2010

new years resolution. i always try to keep it but i either forget about it or i just never do it. but this year will be different.

#1. be a better person

#2. follow my passions

#3. do well in school

#4. meet interesting and amazing new people

#5. find someone special

happy twenty-ten everyone :)