oh how i hate disappointment

rant time.

why is it that so many people in my life are so freaking unreliable. i hate it. why can't you keep your promises or follow through. i especially hate it when people say something they either don't mean or won't do, but are just saying it for the hell of it. i hate words with no actions or meaning behind them. dealing with people like this just makes me so angry and frustrated. i can't even explain it. oh, and i hate disappointment too. i am a person who hates to disappointment people so i make it a habit to try and make everyone happy or to simply avoid disappointing situations but lately, i've been so disappointed in every aspect of my life. certain events, certain people...gosh, it's so infuriating. 

i just don't get it.

you visit me in my sleep

i've been having the weirdest dreams lately. they leave me feeling really empty, confused, and nostalgic, and the craziest thing is that every night i keep hoping to fall asleep and have the same dream. it has gotten to the point where i'd much rather be living through my dreams than in real life and even though it sounds super pathetic, it's the truth. one of my dreams brought me back to high school days and it was really nice to be back in those familiar classrooms with all my friends around me and everything just felt so comfortable and amazing. it felt so real to the point that i actually drove to my high school on the way back from work today to see if i can round up those same emotions and comforts, which surprisingly, i can. and another thing. this winter break is brutal. i've caught myself on countless occasions missing certain people or reliving certain scenarios, it is so infuriating and i feel completely helpless when i give way to these memories. someone help.

i can't help it

The Ten Most Common Hassles for College Students

#1 Troubling thoughts about the future

#2 Not getting enough sleep

#3 Wasting time

#4 Inconsiderate smokers

#5 Physical appearance

#6 Too many things to do

#7 Misplacing or losing things

#8 Not enough time to do the things you need to do

#9 Concerns about meeting high standards

#10 Being lonely

check, check, and check. Glad to be fitting in...

have faith

I feel like I've been saying that phrase to a lot of people lately. Whenever someone's hurting, stressing, or anything like that. I feel like that's the best thing I can say to them. Just have faith. And then I start to wonder if I actually believe that. I don't understand faith. It's comforting to know that there's some higher power or something like that but at the same time, it seems really intangible. The whole subject is complicated and confusing but I guess I do believe that having faith will help. At least for now.

sunbeams from heaven

I miss South America so much. I miss it to a point where it becomes somewhat ridiculous. It was the chance to get away from all the problems and hassles and just relax. I got to spend more time with my friends and just appreciate the very fact that we could experience this together. Our music portrayed our emotions and it created a beautiful bond between us all. The whole trip was amazing but it was more of a catharsis than anything else. We all got to let go of everything we felt before and just let the new experiences take over. I miss it, I miss it, I miss it.